As a general rule, Munch doesn't take Cumberland County Friend of Munch to meals, because CCFOM is notorious for misbehaving in restaurants. Case in point: CCFOM, after a waitress told him that the bar didn't serve his favorite brand of liquor, made the following request: "Well could you just go out to one of those abandoned cars, drain the battery acid and inject it straight into my jugular?" Munch tipped extra that night to cover the waiter's therapy.

But CCFOM is a wise man, and when Munch told CCFOM that Munch was headed to Las Velas, CCFOM tipped his hat and replied in a most ominous tone: "Careful, you know that's PittGirl's husband's restaurant."

Yes, Munch was aware of the fact that Las Velas, which opened last fall in Market Square, belonged to the husband of PittGirl, aka Virginia Montanez. For a long time, PittGirl was an anonymous writer known for skewering city politicians, sort of like Munch, who was more known for skewering steaks and burgers on the South Side (to eat them). But then PittGirl unmasked herself, while Munch has remained steadfast and true to the Order of the Brown Bag.

Suddenly it felt like Munch was entering the den of a lion, if the den is a Mexican restaurant and the lion is the husband of a formerly anonymous blogger. OK, so maybe it wasn't like that. But what if Munch was unveiled and the whole blogosphere found out?

Las Velas is located at 21 Market Square in Downtown Pittsburgh, 412-281-8180 or go to www.lasvelasmex.com.

Munch felt scared, and vulnerable, and gave Cute Yalie Friend of Munch and Zelienople Friend of Munch, who still insists that Zelienople is a real place, stern instructions: you will not say Munch or anything that rhymes with Munch in the restaurant. ("What are your lu-, I mean meal specials?") We will pay with cash, unmarked bills, and use fake names. Should we wear mustaches? No mustaches, because we were hungry, and we wanted tacos.

Munch had heard of Las Velas from CYFOM, who said the portion sizes were large enough "to put a football player in a coma." (A less sensitive person would insert a Baltimore Ravens joke here. Munch will not stoop to those lows.)

The prospect of authentic Mexican food in a country with enforceable restaurant codes and potable water also excited Munch.

So Munch, ZFOM and CYFOM entered the dining room, with views of Market Square, which, since it's under construction, looks more like the post-apocalyptic setting for "The Road" than like an Italian Piazza. ZFOM cringed when he saw his chair was covered with crumbs and switched it with a cleaner one.

We started with chips, salsa and guacamole, and the chips came fresh out of the fryers, hot and soaked through with grease, just the way Munch likes them. The guacamole was perfectly textured -- a little chunky, a little smooth. Props to whoever tracked down avocados in this town that weren't better used as paper weights or lethal weapons.

The massive menu featured 14 lunch specials priced a recession-friendly $8 to $10, and an expansive dinner selection that included five different kinds of tacos and eight different "especiales" and a wide selection of Mexican beers and cocktails.

For entrees, Munch ordered the tacos arrechera ($13) off the dinner menu: three tacos made with hanger steak, garnished with onion and a bit of cilantro and served with a verde salsa and rice and beans. The steak was well-seasoned and the rice was cooked in seafood broth, which complemented the spice of the salsa verde well. Arrechera, by the way, translates as "mating urge," although the only urge that Munch felt was to gobble down these tacos and then immediately take a nap.

CYFOM went for the tacos checandole (pastor) ($12), pork cooked with pineapple in corn tortillas with beans and rice on the side. She described them as "juicy and sweet," and was the first to detect the seafood flavor in the rice, which she said "added a nice kick to an otherwise simple side."

ZFOM was less impressed with his meal, the Las Velas Lunch Combo ($10), a gargantuan plate with a small burrito, a taco, an enchilada, beans and rice, which, indeed, could have put a football player into a coma. The plate is offered with a choice of chicken, steak, ground beef, chorizo or fajitas. ZFOM ordered the beef and said he was disappointed he couldn't order different kinds of meat.

But hey, he couldn't complain about the portions or the value. The plate could easily feed two people with a more modest appetite, or one FOM who's built like a figure skater but apparently can eat like Michael Phelps.

Belly full and groggy, Munch left the restaurant feeling more at ease. And maybe Munch will return, incognito of course, for one of Las Velas Mariachi nights or to Las Velas' downstairs bar with Dear One of Munch, perhaps to split an order of the tacos arrechera.

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