"I'll talk, I'll talk"

The Morning File avoids politics, because we don't want to make you feel worse than you already do. But there comes a time when every File must take a stand. And so we say to our government: Have you no decency, at long last? I refer to the latest word about interrogation techniques used at Guantanamo. Time magazine has an account of how a key al-Qaida detainee -- Mohamed al-Qahtani, the notorious "20th hijacker" on 9/11 -- was treated. Among things done to al-Qahtani to soften him up: pouring water on his head when he went on a food and water strike and -- tell me this doesn't make a mockery of the Geneva conventions -- awakening him with Christina Aguilera music.

Jackson post-mortem

Columnist Tina Brown on the Michael Jackson trial, washingtonpost.com: "If we weren't much moved by testimony from the accuser, that was partly because there were no cameras in the courtroom. What's truly strange is that, as Maureen Orth points out in this month's Vanity Fair, the lack of real emotional involvement also seemed to extend at times to the jury. After describing the reluctant, painfully convincing testimony of an earlier Jackson Special Friend, Orth writes: 'The young man sitting in the witness box before [the jury] had just gone through one of the most humiliating ordeals of his life, but they did not exhibit the slightest sign of empathy. They ignored him as they laughed and talked together.' "

Random act of kindness

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

Michele Phillips-Wittpenn of Munhall: "Last Thursday evening, my nephew, sister-in-law and I went to the Benedum to see 'A Little Night Music'. Our tickets were ordered and were to be at the box office in my nephew's name. When we arrived, there were no tickets waiting for us. While trying to resolve the problem for at least 40 minutes, two ladies approached my nephew. They asked if he knew anyone who needed tickets. He explained our situation. These two wonderful women, by coincidence, had three extra tickets, gave them to us and wanted no payment. The seats were even better than the ones we had ordered! What a great act of kindness they bestowed on us. Sadly, we failed to get the names of these two gracious ladies."

Dukes of Haphazard

All work and no filibuster make Rick a dull senator. So Sen. Santorum and dozens of his colleagues on Capitol Hill play softball, or at least sponsor a team. Santorum's nine is called The Phillybusters. Tomorrow they take on D'em Guys, and when those two teams get together, you can throw away the record book. PoliticsPa.com, which stays on top of all this, also tells us that Congresswoman Allyson Schwartz, from the Philadelphia area, has a team -- The Schwartz Stops, which plays Shays Lounge and the Swinging Johnsons tomorrow. Other teams in the Capitol Softball League (congsoftball.com): The Resolutionaries, Vito Power, West Side Glory, The 1040 Slashers, Dukes of Haphazard, Margin of Terror, AHIP Replacements, Narcotics Committee Roaches, We Czar the Champions, Tequilla Mockingbirds, Hoosier Daddies, Axis of Eagle and the 1st F'n Amendments.

Humor conference update

Here are some of the topics from Day Two, yesterday, of the 17th annual International Society of Humor Studies convention going on this week at Youngstown State University. For more information, check ishs2005.com:

"Acrobats of Emotion: Issues on Humor, Narrativity and Conversation"

"Observations on the Types of Books Available in Relation to McGee's Developmental Stages of Humor and Incongruity in Children"

"Business Humor: Not Funny at All for the English-as-a-Second-Language Learner"

"Culture Busting Improvs: Playing for Laughs to Free Chinese English Students from Cultural Reticence"

"Humor and Good Teachers of Business Administration: Facts versus Hopes"

"Do Different Kinds of Humor Style Predict Influenza-like Symptoms?"

"How Ph.D. Students Establish their Identity Through the Use of Humor"

"Polish and Romanian Anti-Communist Jokes"

"A Natural Class of Political Humor: Ceausescu Jokes"

"Investigating the Use of Humor Between Non-Native English Speakers"

"Visual Frame Opposition as an Aid to Perceive 'Diasporic' Humor: Goodness Gracious Me, a Case Study"

"Send in the Clowns: the Role of the Joker in Three New Zealand IT Companies"

"Americans in Contemporary Polish Jokes"

"Humor in Islam"

Birdbrained mistake

Several alert MF readers spotted the egregious misidentification in yesterday's photo from the movie "The Birds". It was not main character Tippi Hedren but Jessica Tandy, who was in the movie and posed for the poster. Also, on Monday we blew the starting date for Kennywood's first roller coaster, the Figure 8. The answer was 1902, not 1910. We promise to reform.