Going on the go

	James Hilston, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger version.

A British firm has advanced civilization with a portable, in-car lavatory. It's called the Indipod and was originally intended for families with small children. Then the company, Daycar, found a market in people with bowel and bladder problems. But who among us hasn't been caught short, say, in a traffic jam? Seems to us it would be more useful than a 10th beverage-holder. The chemical toilet is housed in a "bubble," or, as Daycar puts it, a "private sanitary sanctuary" that inflates, with power from the car's cigarette lighter, to an area slightly larger than three feet by three feet, according to the BBC. Now that we think of it, that's larger than The Morning File's humble compact car. So it would appear that you need something no smaller than a man-eating SUV, and relieving yourself while driving would seem out of the question. The Indipod can accommodate two people but does not in and of itself qualify you for the HOV lane.

Losing loos
Civilized people don't pee in the bushes. (Got that, South Side revelers?) But where are the public toilets of yesteryear? The South Side does have one -- a modern, self-cleaning one at that. But we're still way behind ancient Rome, which had 315 public toilets, and talk about a graffiti problem ("For a good time, call Caligula -- VVV-XXXI"). The French have always been a leader in this area, as we know from those French movies. But London is in a toilet recession, according to the BBC, losing a third of its public loos, as they call them, over the last five years. Which might explain why the recent opening of a state-of-the art facility in central London got a champagne reception with orchestra. The toilets provide attendants and are graffiti- and scratch-proof. Cameras cover the main floor of the lavatories. The cubicle doors are high off the floor and low at the top to deter drug-takers.

From the AP
• Man Buys Smoker, Finds Human Leg Inside • Coach Stops Runaway Horse by Biting Ear • Man Allegedly Tries to Use 'Blurry' $100 • Police Break Up Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese • Suggestive Card Ruffles Farmer's Feathers • Nerds to Auction Themselves to Women • Toilet to Tap? San Jose Probes Plan • Seattle to Allow Pygmy Goats As Pets • Yankees Rookies Dress Up in Oz Costumes

St. Loo-ee thief
Maybe that last feature from the London toiletplex should be rethought. Women with purses are vulnerable to stall theft. Which may explain why a woman picked up on this, so to speak. Barbara Blanchard of St. Louis has been stealing from public toilet patrons for more than 30 years, according to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Her m.o.: When a victim sat down on the toilet, Blanchard reached under the door to snatch the purse. But there are no purses in prison.

More bodily function news
June is Potty Training Awareness Month.

One nation, overweight
Here's some grim news from the University of Missouri. Those of you who will be around in 2058 (an aging but hefty Jenna Bush will be in her second term) will be fat, no ands, ifs or, especially, butts about it. I mean everyone -- no exceptions -- and that includes anorexic fashion models. Researchers say every child will be a porker in 2044. When they become adults in 2058, the cycle of obesity will be complete -- that is, if we keep going the way we're going, warns Missouri researcher Frank Booth. In the last 20 years, physical activity has decreased dramatically in the United States, Booth says. Sedentary activities for children have increased by 4.5 times since 1950, with kids spending 45 hours a week watching television and movies or focusing on the computer and video games. In 1985, the U.S. population ranked first in longevity on the planet. Today, American women rank 19th and American men 28th. Those of us who plan to be dead by 2058 will avoid all this.

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Still a good idea
If we told you Microsoft is working on a portable toilet that has Internet access, called an "iLoo," what would you say? If you were The Wall Street Journal, The Associated Press or Reuters, you would say, "Wow, let's get that story to our readers." It sounded believable, but the hoax, launched by Microsoft's madcap United Kingdom division in 2003, still surfaces every once in a while, as recently as last month. Web sites have detailed drawings of the iLoo, with an extending height-adjustable plasma screen in front of the seat. Perhaps they'll have one for real by 2058, but they better make it big.

Question
Is it really possible to flush a book, holy or unholy, down the toilet? Anyone who has succeeded at this, contact me immediately.

Help!
This question roiled the Post-Gazette newsroom yesterday, with computer messages flying like bullets at the OK Corral: Do people who live in Wexford really live in Wexford? This is not an existential question but a style question. The same goes for those who reside (or think they reside) in Gibsonia, Glenshaw and Ingomar, among places whose informal names arise from the area post office. Our stylebook insists that people live in governmental jurisdictions, such as Pine, Marshall, Franklin Park, Hampton, McCandless and Richland, whether they like it or not. But The Morning File would like to know where affected citizens in the privacy of their private sanitary sanctuaries stand or even sit on this issue. So tell us where you live.